diff --git a/resources/ircbot/example_config.json b/resources/ircbot/example_config.json
new file mode 100644
index 0000000000..e909689e13
--- /dev/null
+++ b/resources/ircbot/example_config.json
@@ -0,0 +1,11 @@
+{
+  "server" : "irc.freenode.net",
+  "port" : 6667,
+  "nick" : "phabot",
+  "join" : [
+    "#phabot-test"
+  ],
+  "handlers" : [
+    "PhabricatorIRCProtocolHandler"
+  ]
+}
diff --git a/src/__phutil_library_map__.php b/src/__phutil_library_map__.php
index 570892e039..49a80f19dc 100644
--- a/src/__phutil_library_map__.php
+++ b/src/__phutil_library_map__.php
@@ -324,6 +324,10 @@ phutil_register_library_map(array(
     'PhabricatorFileViewController' => 'applications/files/controller/view',
     'PhabricatorGoodForNothingWorker' => 'infrastructure/daemon/workers/worker/goodfornothing',
     'PhabricatorHandleObjectSelectorDataView' => 'applications/phid/handle/view/selector',
+    'PhabricatorIRCBot' => 'infrastructure/daemon/irc/bot',
+    'PhabricatorIRCHandler' => 'infrastructure/daemon/irc/handler/base',
+    'PhabricatorIRCMessage' => 'infrastructure/daemon/irc/message',
+    'PhabricatorIRCProtocolHandler' => 'infrastructure/daemon/irc/handler/protocol',
     'PhabricatorJavelinLinter' => 'infrastructure/lint/linter/javelin',
     'PhabricatorLintEngine' => 'infrastructure/lint/engine',
     'PhabricatorLiskDAO' => 'applications/base/storage/lisk',
@@ -748,6 +752,8 @@ phutil_register_library_map(array(
     'PhabricatorFileUploadController' => 'PhabricatorFileController',
     'PhabricatorFileViewController' => 'PhabricatorFileController',
     'PhabricatorGoodForNothingWorker' => 'PhabricatorWorker',
+    'PhabricatorIRCBot' => 'PhabricatorDaemon',
+    'PhabricatorIRCProtocolHandler' => 'PhabricatorIRCHandler',
     'PhabricatorJavelinLinter' => 'ArcanistLinter',
     'PhabricatorLintEngine' => 'PhutilLintEngine',
     'PhabricatorLiskDAO' => 'LiskDAO',
diff --git a/src/infrastructure/daemon/control/PhabricatorDaemonControl.php b/src/infrastructure/daemon/control/PhabricatorDaemonControl.php
index 26d3212737..48abaa785b 100644
--- a/src/infrastructure/daemon/control/PhabricatorDaemonControl.php
+++ b/src/infrastructure/daemon/control/PhabricatorDaemonControl.php
@@ -127,7 +127,7 @@ final class PhabricatorDaemonControl {
 
 **COMMAND REFERENCE**
 
-        **launch** [__n__] __daemon__
+        **launch** [__n__] __daemon__ [argv ...]
             Start a daemon (or n copies of a daemon).
 
         **list**
diff --git a/src/infrastructure/daemon/irc/bot/PhabricatorIRCBot.php b/src/infrastructure/daemon/irc/bot/PhabricatorIRCBot.php
new file mode 100644
index 0000000000..8d5db14d92
--- /dev/null
+++ b/src/infrastructure/daemon/irc/bot/PhabricatorIRCBot.php
@@ -0,0 +1,193 @@
+<?php
+
+/*
+ * Copyright 2011 Facebook, Inc.
+ *
+ * Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License");
+ * you may not use this file except in compliance with the License.
+ * You may obtain a copy of the License at
+ *
+ *   http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0
+ *
+ * Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software
+ * distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS,
+ * WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied.
+ * See the License for the specific language governing permissions and
+ * limitations under the License.
+ */
+
+/**
+ * Simple IRC bot which runs as a Phabricator daemon. Although this bot is
+ * somewhat useful, it is also intended to serve as a demo of how to write
+ * "system agents" which communicate with Phabricator over Conduit, so you can
+ * script system interactions and integrate with other systems.
+ *
+ * NOTE: This is super janky and experimental right now.
+ *
+ * @group irc
+ */
+final class PhabricatorIRCBot extends PhabricatorDaemon {
+
+  private $socket;
+  private $handlers;
+
+  private $writeBuffer;
+  private $readBuffer;
+
+  public function run() {
+
+    $argv = $this->getArgv();
+    if (count($argv) !== 1) {
+      throw new Exception("usage: PhabricatorIRCBot <json_config_file>");
+    }
+
+    $json_raw = Filesystem::readFile($argv[0]);
+    $config = json_decode($json_raw, true);
+    if (!is_array($config)) {
+      throw new Exception("File '{$argv[0]}' is not valid JSON!");
+    }
+
+    $server   = idx($config, 'server');
+    $port     = idx($config, 'port', 6667);
+    $join     = idx($config, 'join', array());
+    $handlers = idx($config, 'handlers', array());
+
+    $nick     = idx($config, 'nick', 'phabot');
+
+    if (!preg_match('/^[A-Za-z0-9_]+$/', $nick)) {
+      throw new Exception(
+        "Nickname '{$nick}' is invalid, must be alphanumeric!");
+    }
+
+    if (!$join) {
+      throw new Exception("No channels to 'join' in config!");
+    }
+
+    foreach ($handlers as $handler) {
+      $obj = newv($handler, array($this));
+      $this->handlers[] = $obj;
+    }
+
+    $errno = null;
+    $error = null;
+    $socket = fsockopen($server, $port, $errno, $error);
+    if (!$socket) {
+      throw new Exception("Failed to connect, #{$errno}: {$error}");
+    }
+    $ok = stream_set_blocking($socket, false);
+    if (!$ok) {
+      throw new Exception("Failed to set stream nonblocking.");
+    }
+
+    $this->socket = $socket;
+
+    $this->writeCommand('USER', "{$nick} 0 * :{$nick}");
+    $this->writeCommand('NICK', "{$nick}");
+    foreach ($join as $channel) {
+      $this->writeCommand('JOIN', "{$channel}");
+    }
+
+    $this->runSelectLoop();
+  }
+
+  private function runSelectLoop() {
+    do {
+      $read = array($this->socket);
+      if (strlen($this->writeBuffer)) {
+        $write = array($this->socket);
+      } else {
+        $write = array();
+      }
+      $except = array();
+
+      $ok = @stream_select($read, $write, $except, $timeout_sec = 1);
+      if ($ok === false) {
+        throw new Exception(
+          "socket_select() failed: ".socket_strerror(socket_last_error()));
+      }
+
+      if ($read) {
+        do {
+          $data = fread($this->socket, 4096);
+          if ($data === false) {
+            throw new Exception("fread() failed!");
+          } else {
+            $this->debugLog(true, $data);
+            $this->readBuffer .= $data;
+          }
+        } while (strlen($data));
+      }
+
+      if ($write) {
+        do {
+          $len = fwrite($this->socket, $this->writeBuffer);
+          if ($len === false) {
+            throw new Exception("fwrite() failed!");
+          } else {
+            $this->debugLog(false, substr($this->writeBuffer, 0, $len));
+            $this->writeBuffer = substr($this->writeBuffer, $len);
+          }
+        } while (strlen($this->writeBuffer));
+      }
+
+      $this->processReadBuffer();
+
+    } while (true);
+  }
+
+  private function write($message) {
+    $this->writeBuffer .= $message;
+    return $this;
+  }
+
+  public function writeCommand($command, $message) {
+    return $this->write($command.' '.$message."\r\n");
+  }
+
+  private function processReadBuffer() {
+    $until = strpos($this->readBuffer, "\r\n");
+    if ($until === false) {
+      return;
+    }
+
+    $message = substr($this->readBuffer, 0, $until);
+    $this->readBuffer = substr($this->readBuffer, $until + 2);
+
+    $pattern =
+      '/^'.
+      '(?:(?P<sender>:(\S+)) )?'. // This may not be present.
+      '(?P<command>[A-Z0-9]+) '.
+      '(?P<data>.*)'.
+      '$/';
+
+    $matches = null;
+    if (!preg_match($pattern, $message, $matches)) {
+      throw new Exception("Unexpected message from server: {$message}");
+    }
+
+    $irc_message = new PhabricatorIRCMessage(
+      idx($matches, 'sender'),
+      $matches['command'],
+      $matches['data']);
+
+    $this->routeMessage($irc_message);
+  }
+
+  private function routeMessage(PhabricatorIRCMessage $message) {
+    foreach ($this->handlers as $handler) {
+      $handler->receiveMessage($message);
+    }
+  }
+
+  public function __destroy() {
+    $this->write("QUIT Goodbye.\r\n");
+    fclose($this->socket);
+  }
+
+  private function debugLog($is_read, $message) {
+    echo $is_read ? '<<< ' : '>>> ';
+    echo addcslashes($message, "\0..\37\177..\377");
+    echo "\n";
+  }
+
+}
diff --git a/src/infrastructure/daemon/irc/bot/__init__.php b/src/infrastructure/daemon/irc/bot/__init__.php
new file mode 100644
index 0000000000..2bad43e7d8
--- /dev/null
+++ b/src/infrastructure/daemon/irc/bot/__init__.php
@@ -0,0 +1,16 @@
+<?php
+/**
+ * This file is automatically generated. Lint this module to rebuild it.
+ * @generated
+ */
+
+
+
+phutil_require_module('phabricator', 'infrastructure/daemon/base');
+phutil_require_module('phabricator', 'infrastructure/daemon/irc/message');
+
+phutil_require_module('phutil', 'filesystem');
+phutil_require_module('phutil', 'utils');
+
+
+phutil_require_source('PhabricatorIRCBot.php');
diff --git a/src/infrastructure/daemon/irc/handler/base/PhabricatorIRCHandler.php b/src/infrastructure/daemon/irc/handler/base/PhabricatorIRCHandler.php
new file mode 100644
index 0000000000..79d81302c1
--- /dev/null
+++ b/src/infrastructure/daemon/irc/handler/base/PhabricatorIRCHandler.php
@@ -0,0 +1,40 @@
+<?php
+
+/*
+ * Copyright 2011 Facebook, Inc.
+ *
+ * Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License");
+ * you may not use this file except in compliance with the License.
+ * You may obtain a copy of the License at
+ *
+ *   http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0
+ *
+ * Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software
+ * distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS,
+ * WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied.
+ * See the License for the specific language governing permissions and
+ * limitations under the License.
+ */
+
+/**
+ * Responds to IRC messages. You plug a bunch of these into a
+ * @{class:PhabricatorIRCBot} to give it special behavior.
+ *
+ * @group irc
+ */
+abstract class PhabricatorIRCHandler {
+
+  private $bot;
+
+  final public function __construct(PhabricatorIRCBot $irc_bot) {
+    $this->bot = $irc_bot;
+  }
+
+  final protected function write($command, $message) {
+    $this->bot->writeCommand($command, $message);
+    return $this;
+  }
+
+  abstract public function receiveMessage(PhabricatorIRCMessage $message);
+
+}
diff --git a/src/infrastructure/daemon/irc/handler/base/__init__.php b/src/infrastructure/daemon/irc/handler/base/__init__.php
new file mode 100644
index 0000000000..6dcece1eb8
--- /dev/null
+++ b/src/infrastructure/daemon/irc/handler/base/__init__.php
@@ -0,0 +1,10 @@
+<?php
+/**
+ * This file is automatically generated. Lint this module to rebuild it.
+ * @generated
+ */
+
+
+
+
+phutil_require_source('PhabricatorIRCHandler.php');
diff --git a/src/infrastructure/daemon/irc/handler/protocol/PhabricatorIRCProtocolHandler.php b/src/infrastructure/daemon/irc/handler/protocol/PhabricatorIRCProtocolHandler.php
new file mode 100644
index 0000000000..9ba3cda05a
--- /dev/null
+++ b/src/infrastructure/daemon/irc/handler/protocol/PhabricatorIRCProtocolHandler.php
@@ -0,0 +1,34 @@
+<?php
+
+/*
+ * Copyright 2011 Facebook, Inc.
+ *
+ * Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License");
+ * you may not use this file except in compliance with the License.
+ * You may obtain a copy of the License at
+ *
+ *   http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0
+ *
+ * Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software
+ * distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS,
+ * WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied.
+ * See the License for the specific language governing permissions and
+ * limitations under the License.
+ */
+
+/**
+ * Implements the base IRC protocol so servers don't kick you off.
+ *
+ * @group irc
+ */
+class PhabricatorIRCProtocolHandler extends PhabricatorIRCHandler {
+
+  public function receiveMessage(PhabricatorIRCMessage $message) {
+    switch ($message->getCommand()) {
+      case 'PING':
+        $this->write('PONG', $message->getRawData());
+        break;
+    }
+  }
+
+}
diff --git a/src/infrastructure/daemon/irc/handler/protocol/__init__.php b/src/infrastructure/daemon/irc/handler/protocol/__init__.php
new file mode 100644
index 0000000000..363b05eb4a
--- /dev/null
+++ b/src/infrastructure/daemon/irc/handler/protocol/__init__.php
@@ -0,0 +1,12 @@
+<?php
+/**
+ * This file is automatically generated. Lint this module to rebuild it.
+ * @generated
+ */
+
+
+
+phutil_require_module('phabricator', 'infrastructure/daemon/irc/handler/base');
+
+
+phutil_require_source('PhabricatorIRCProtocolHandler.php');
diff --git a/src/infrastructure/daemon/irc/message/PhabricatorIRCMessage.php b/src/infrastructure/daemon/irc/message/PhabricatorIRCMessage.php
new file mode 100644
index 0000000000..16fc1fda62
--- /dev/null
+++ b/src/infrastructure/daemon/irc/message/PhabricatorIRCMessage.php
@@ -0,0 +1,43 @@
+<?php
+
+/*
+ * Copyright 2011 Facebook, Inc.
+ *
+ * Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License");
+ * you may not use this file except in compliance with the License.
+ * You may obtain a copy of the License at
+ *
+ *   http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0
+ *
+ * Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software
+ * distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS,
+ * WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied.
+ * See the License for the specific language governing permissions and
+ * limitations under the License.
+ */
+
+final class PhabricatorIRCMessage {
+
+  private $sender;
+  private $command;
+  private $data;
+
+  public function __construct($sender, $command, $data) {
+    $this->sender = $sender;
+    $this->command = $command;
+    $this->data = $data;
+  }
+
+  public function getRawSender() {
+    return $this->sender;
+  }
+
+  public function getRawData() {
+    return $this->data;
+  }
+
+  public function getCommand() {
+    return $this->command;
+  }
+
+}
diff --git a/src/infrastructure/daemon/irc/message/__init__.php b/src/infrastructure/daemon/irc/message/__init__.php
new file mode 100644
index 0000000000..cb0374cf0a
--- /dev/null
+++ b/src/infrastructure/daemon/irc/message/__init__.php
@@ -0,0 +1,10 @@
+<?php
+/**
+ * This file is automatically generated. Lint this module to rebuild it.
+ * @generated
+ */
+
+
+
+
+phutil_require_source('PhabricatorIRCMessage.php');